Certain Loves have to be said out loud!
by Sha Yurigami
Summary: Sometimes to trust the one you love means to get hurt in return, sometimes that means feeling the pain of your beloved or simply bearing the loneliness that is eating away at your heart once they aren't with you for a while...However some love's can only be expressed when both lovers embrace a side of themselves that they rejected to full love each other.(Pre-established KaorIndex)
1. Chapter 1

She held me chose like usual, holding me once the pleasure we felt settled. I could still feel my ... moistness trickling down my tights, though her leg was still between them.

"Did you feel good?" she asked me kissing my forehead, cheek, my nose and when she was in front of my lips she halted "What's wrong?" she asked her hand caressing my back.

"You did everything...I wanted to make you feel good too" I whispered tightening my arms around her neck kissing her lips while I was at it and continued with my mouth still touching hers "It's not fair that you do everything when we make love."

She laughed at my pout and closed my mouth with a deep kiss - tongue included - that stole my breath and probably any protest she might have had.

"I" she began her hands caressing my back until they reached my butt and massaged it softly, I didn't want to admit it but I love the way she makes love to me "I love you so much" she said. Always telling me that she loved me, even when we make love, or go under the shower together.

Her mouth was caressing my neck while one of her hands parted my buttocks, touched the area of my a-anus and inserted a finger into it "Kaori" I whispered, moaned holding onto her head as she began to devour me. licking the bubbling sweat off my skin while her fingers started to gently stir the inside of my backdoor. Her other hand began to travel upwards taking hold of my negligible chest, her own impressive mounts pressed following suit and pressed into my skin.

I felt like melting, when she slowly began to make me come, shamelessly lifting my leg to grant her better access, my back arched when her mouth found my nipple and entered me more deeply.

Gasping for air my arms instantly tightened around her head when a powerful orgasm overcame me.

"hah ...hah" I was panting heavily, feeling fatigue catch up to me. I got hold of whatever she gave me and kissed it passionately - which happened to be her head and therefore got her lips - hand embraced my beloved Kaori with as much love as she had given me.

"Did you feel good?" Kaori asked kissing me over and over, though her finger was still inside my butt but she retreated it slowly so that she wouldn't hurt me. Nodding I kissed her and gave her my answer in form of a deep kiss. She giggled into my mouth said I was adorable and kissed me just as fiercely back.

I was still frustrated from earlier since I wanted to make her go 'Aah' too but my disappointment was quickly replaced with a feeling of drowsiness and I fell asleep. My dreams however were filled with thoughts and desires I didn't know I possessed... _It's just that I love Kaori so much_...

... ... ...

The next day I went back to Touma's apartment. He didn't say anything when I returned but I guess that he was smirking so I punched him. he landed on his back ten feet from his original position - I'm pretty proud of myself that I have more physical strength than Touma thought I'm also quite sure that most people would never believe me -

"What did I do to deserve this treatment" he groaned but I didn't want to hear anything of it. There were more important things than his supposed misfortune.

"Touma" he looked up at me "How, well, do you know" I hesitated, would he laugh at me when I told him? Would he think of me as a pervert?

"Okay, out with it. Something is bothering you and I know that you want to talk about it with someone, trust me I want laugh" he said in his usual reassuring voice, I knew that he wouldn't judge me then.

I told him about it, how Kaori always takes the reigns when we make love and that I wanted to "I want to dominate her...I want to give her the same pleasure she gives me and I want to give her the same amount of love she gives me every moment we are together...but I don't know how." fidgeting with the hem of my habit I nervously awaited the criticism of my best friend.

It never came.

"Couldn't it just be that Kanzaki is just afraid? I mean it was her who confessed to you and she pretty much expected you to reject, didn't she?" he began, gently stroking the back of my hand on the table "I think she's just a little uncomfortable with the idea of being topped by you...at least I can relate that a little, since Thor pulled the same trick on me." he began and I seriously had to consider his words, maybe I didn't give Kaori enough of my love, maybe I was just not enough for her - I mean look at her(!), she's got the body of a goddess (!) with a gentle and caring attitude and -

"Wait! Did you say dominate?!

Touma suddenly interrupted my thoughts.

"Y-yes?" I answered him hesitantly, I'm not sure if the look in his eyes should scare me or make me want to run away as quickly as possible.

He suddenly pulled out his phone and began to dial a number "Biri-Biri! Get me Shirai...I...lost the bet" my eye twitched at his statement pushing once more since I was confused and slightly disturbed that my friends had bets running on me - as I could guess from the damn context(!) - but I also wondered what they had been betting on.

"Ho-Hold it, Index" s´he said as I began to pound his head over and over "I, can explain!"

I sat myself on the other side of the table again intent to listen to his probably miserable explanation. He sat up, picked up his phone to mutter that Shirai-san should bring a certain item to is apartment, before he faced me with a serious face.

"Index, you have awakened to a side of yourself you weren't aware of" Okay the tone of his voice was scaring me but I still listened to what he was about to tell me "Did you think of throwing her onto the ground and make her lick your feet?"

I punched him.

It was true -it was in my dream last night, that and many other things- but her had no right to blur something like that out of his mouth!

"Okay, I get it, I won't say anymore about what fetishes you might have, but with that reaction I take it that you had thought about it, right?"

A heavy blush covered my face, but I didn't say anything to him, just a slight nod.

He looked at me amused "Index, you're about to become a domina."

I pushed him once more, this time he lost consciousness for sure. But it didn't satisfy me, since I was slowly becoming aware that I - indeed - had these impure feelings

_What am I going to do...?_

… … …

_**Certain Loves have to be said out loud!**_

_**By**_

_**Sha Yurigami**_

_... ..._

_This story was born out of pure boredom and my newest strange desire of smut...I mean SM? From me?! Well I hope I haven't offended anyone with writing this story but even if I did, I will not back down from it, it is after all a product of my imagination (by the way: Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Only the Plot!) and I'm proud of it!_

_If you are asking why I choose this theme (SM), it's because lately I've been reading the story Sunstone from Shiniez on deviant art and got myself a little educated in the subject - strangely enough I couldn't take my eyes of it - and I found that I'd like to explore SM with the two character you would least expect it of (Index and Kaori) because well SM is all about trust, the sub trusts the dom while handing over their body (or something, I'm not the expert in these things but I try my best) and I felt like they needed to have something that built up such trust._

_Sex is something strange I daresay! _

_But before I forget it: Index, well, there is a really good reason why Index can't have sex the conventional way but that I want to explain inside the story._

_I hope the fandom can forgive me and If I get any feedback at all I will continue this story pretty soon._

_Until next time!_

_Yours dear_

_Sha Yurigami_


	2. Chapter 2

_Not Fair! _I pouted and squirmed when I felt her give my butt cheek a lick – not any kind of lick but the sensual and long kind which makes use of her erotically long tongue which covers so much sensitive skin and made my voice grow hoarse – sending pleasant shivers up my spin. I laid down on my front with my butt up in the air.

Gasping when her hands ran up and down my short legs, squeezing my lower cheeks softly, pushing them up before pressing them down, all while licking my spine.

I let out a loud moan when I felt her suck on my skin, drawing the blood upwards, I knew that she was going to leave a hickey but I let her. It's not like I didn't enjoy her treating me with so much care but I was worried and a little angry that she didn't allow me to please her the same way, she didn't even let me touch her. And I was sure that she was just as aroused as me when we make love.

She probably used the battlefield as a way to release pent up sexual frustration.

When I came once more and after covering my butt with kisses to sooth the skin after leaving so many hickeys she came up and hovered over my body. I wanted to greet her weight, to hold her and embrace her and maybe get the chance to top her, but she didn't let me and laid on me with me still on my stomach.

I felt her hands guide through the blankets and gently embracing my front, before one of her hands cupped my cheek and made me face her. I guess I liked this position too because it allowed me to feel my beloved Kaori's breasts pressing into my back and her pelvis rocking against mine in a rhythmic motion – needless to say that I felt wet all over again! - and most important …

When I turned around to face my beloved, something in her eyes, the way her hair covered them slightly, the way her cheeks began to flush, the look she was giving me, the one I gave her.

She was holding back her desire.

I reached back with my face, pulling her head closer with my arms over my head "Kiss me" I whispered.

Her breathing was heavy and slightly tickled my nose but when her lips touched mine, all I wanted was for her to not hold back, to accept that I loved her as much as she loved me. That I wouldn't let go of her.

She pushed her waist down onto my butt, rubbing her moist lips against my cheeks rhythmically. I kissed her more frenziedly, trying to arouse her as much as possible if possible allowing my beloved to use my body to make her release. She needed it. I wanted her to.

But then she suddenly stopped. I couldn't help but feel frustrated, that part of her … We still continued our lip lock, kissing until our breaths ran out. When she pulled away from my face I held her in place with my arms, letting her hold me at the same time pulling her back for another. In an moment of surprise I pushed my pelvis against her moistness once more, and held her head as close as possible to mine, not letting her escape. I wanted to see her expression when she came.

Her hold around my waist tightened, hesitantly, allowing my butt cheeks to rub her moistness. I knew that she held back once more but I wanted her to enjoy this as much as I did. My body felt like it was on fire and though my body grew heavier by the minute I didn't stop my hips.

But as so many times before her body disappeared. Frantic and in panic I looked around, not noticing that the darkness around me grew, draining my conscious away from this dream, turning it into a nightmare with taking Kaori from me and pushed me back to the realm of reality.

.

.

.

Now awake I kind of felt violated. I wanted to see Kaori in that very moment, just to be sure that she was okay and that I really only dreamed _I don't want her to disappear!_

"Index?! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Touma asked me, making me realize that I was indeed crying "Did you have that dream again? You never told me what happened in them but I'm getting more and more worried since you're having them for over a week..." my best friend said.

Sure I lived with him but that doesn't mean I needed to tell him about my intimate dreams.

It's been a week since Kaori's went back to Britain because of the excommunication of one of the royal knights and these dreams, both intimate and cruel, filled my nights since. Afraid for my love I called her whenever time allowed for it. I had been working part-time at Joseph's a family restaurant for a month now since the church's pocket money and Touma's wallet weren't enough to fill my belly with...it was all Kaori's fault! Since we started dating and haven sex my appetite quadrupled! And Touma called me fat!

Forgetting my anger, I focused more on what was going on now inside Touma's apartment. Thor came over as soon as Touma had called him and sat on his lap dressed in gothic lolita clothing. Both me and my best friend had to laugh embarrassingly since we hadn't recognized the light blond haired boy "Acting out of character once in a while is fun too ,you know" he just said grinding on Touma's leg.

Seeming these idiots getting cozy made me remember my and Kaori's first night. And remembering Kaori's worried and scared face made me worries and scared or her safety. "See all because of you! You made her remember their first time!" I punched Touma and glared at Thor so that he wouldn't do or say anything that would upset me. Which he didn't since he paled and sat next to Touma.

The doorbell rang again, but instead of waiting for the door to open two very familiar idiots came in carrying two leather thingies. I eyed Mikoto and her girlfriend Kuroko with mixed feelings. One was the fact that Kuroko would always wear embarrassing outfits when she came over and two because Mikoto couldn't keep her hands off of her and third those two always made me smile with their stupid antics.

"So, what's the agenda?"

"Mikoto listen to this Touma got himself punched again."

"Again? Did you try to smooth talk again, failed and got yourself punched because you're hit bullseye again, you ape?"

"Hey it wasn't my fault this time! Thor had to grind himself on me and make her remember her first ti-!" Touma started prompting himself to get my punches again.

"There he goes getting punched to death again...Sometimes I wonder why it wasn't Index who beat Accelerator, he wouldn't have gotten any chance."

"Na, she would have bitten him to death first On~ee~sa~ma."

"Don't say my nickname like that or I'm getting into the mood again, you know the one where you couldn't walk for a day."

"Gaah!" Kuroko got red as a tomato when Mikoto whispered into her ear, neither of them noticing the stares and lecherous expressions on our faces. Thankfully short hair has finally gotten over her shy side from a year ago, otherwise I wouldn't know how she and Kuroko could be so lovey dovey right now without getting bothered by our perverted grins -see what I told you-.

"But let's get back to business." Thor said all of a sudden, interrupting my fantasizing about a double date with Mikoto and Kuroko and – Kaori...Now I'm sad again TT^TT …

"See, she probably just imagined a foursome with you two and got reminded that Kaori isn't here."

"THOR?!" I attempt to punch that darn blond but Touma's face got in the way- what he didn't account for was that I hit with serious intend to kill which resulted in that spiky headed idiot flying through his room while spiraling which ripped his cloths apart and landed at the entrance of his apartment.

"And in that moment the front door opened, yeah right" Mikoto said rubbing her eyes to make sure that she really did witness what transpired just moments ago "And no matter how many times your going to ask, the answer is still no!" she said probably to answer Thor's accusation.

The rest of us looked at her outburst with annoyed faces.

"You already know that a party with Touma and me _and _Index with her Kaori would end up in an all Anal party, right? I mean it's obvious that her idiot girlfriend wouldn't let go of her arse even for a second and -" I punched Thor before he could finish his statement...the last thing I wanted was to have a get together of us and a gay couple. A shudder went down my spine when I imagined _that _dangling I front of me, whipping up and down and up- you get it.

And just like that we argued. Me trying to tell them that it was just a get together and not an actual intercourse thingy -which Mikoto wasn't against apparently to my surprise – and trying to get Thor's mind out of that sex carving gutter, I mean he wasn't like that in the beginning at all! Our conversations drifted away and Touma became a matter of Netherland within seconds.

Apropos, as Touma was about to get up, the front door opened, he looked up but paled instantly when he saw who it was and that that person looked at him expressionlessly. We were too heated in our argument that I haven't noticed the approaching person – or Touma's bloodied remains, though he deserved that- nor that they sat next to me, nor that they leaned in and kissed my cheek.

All thoughts escaped, while a strange tingling was running amok on my skin, and I immediately faced the person this conversation was originally supposed to be about.

"Kaori?!" I half screamed before getting silenced by her lips. And turning into a stuttering tomato by the way. After she released me, she kissed the to of my head before leaning her own against it.

"What have you been talking about?" she asked the others weaving her arms around my waist and pressed me flush into her breasts...Darn I'm getting turned on.

"We were talking about how Index would be our greatest fighting force, if she had been allowed to learn martial arts." _Thank you Kuroko! I love you Kuroko! Your the best liar here and there Kuroko! _While I thought that Kaori began to rock us.

"But by the way what are you doing here? I had thought you were needed at the front?" the little twin-tail added, smirking knowingly -I'm sure she knows something she wouldn't tell me until the last second- and leaning her head against Mikoto's shoulder.

"Already finished it when I got there...it was the paperwork that took me so long to finish...but I forced Styil to finish the last few bits so that I could return as soon as possible to _my _Index." Oh my gosh! The way she said my name made me so hot and wet that I could have jumped her right then but her arms kept me at bay as always. My beloved sure knew how to handle _me _I just wished she would allow me to handle her...

Mikoto then got up. I didn't know what she had planed but I was sure as hell that it was going to involve whatever she brought with her-

"So, should we get the lesson started?" She said so low that only Kuroko beside her could've heard it.

Tbc...

Dear readers I am happy to tell you that I finally updated Bride Runner XD But I'm sad to say that it took me so long TT^TT But let's ignore that for now and focus on the story right here.

As you have noticed the first half of the story was a mean teaser that quickly got turned into a mean nightmare but I can guaranty that the next chapter will get you wet,hard or whatever gender you have XD

Have fun on this wild trip full of smut and dirty talk XD

Yours dear

Sha Yurigami


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